Brain Tilt

King Kong

Naomi Watts, Jack Black, Adrian Brody

Guess what?? This movie didn’t need to be 3 hours long. It didn’t need to be 2 hours long. An hour and a half should have been the stopping point.

This movie drug on.

And on.

And on.

And on.

And on.

I actually turned to my wife and said “We are an hour in and haven’t seen the damn ape yet. Not a good sign.”

The end of the movie was the worst. When they finally make it to NY city (around the 2 hour mark) the end slows…..way…..down…..Almost…….

to…..

a……

standstill…..

Seriously, how many times do we need to have that “I’m about to die but I want to see your face one more time” look between Kong and Naomi?? The answer is not 14.

Not a bad movie, but its too damn long.

Ok. I haven’t posted in a while, but it’s not my fault. Netflix has decided that they are going to take their sweet time in sending me my next movie, so I am stuck with nothing. King Kong should be here soon and I’ll post on that.

Kill Bill: Vol. 1 (2003)

Uma Thurman, Lucy Liu, Vivica A. Fox, Daryl Hannah, David Carradine

Tarantino is a genius.

Good looking chicks, violence and kung-fu. He clearly knows the formula for a great movie.

This is a tribute to/spoof of old Japanese anime, 70’s Chinese martial arts films and kung-fu movies. And it is done beautifully. If you are a fan of any of these three genres, then you will get a kick out of a lot of the stuff Tarantino does in the movie. Like the scene where 80+ guys come running in from every door of the club and surround Uma. Then they all are momentarily taken aback when she strikes a fighting stance. There are a whole slew of things like that in the movie.

The absolute best parts about the movie are the soundtrack (some awesome 70’s style music – like they had in 70’s kung-fu movies), Buck’s truck that Uma steals and the scene at the end where Uma and Lucy fight. The snow made that scene freaking awesome.

And as a bonus, you get to hear about 3 solid minutes of that annoying song Vonage uses in its commercials (Woo hoo! Woo hoo hoo!).

Let’s just say that I can’t wait for volume 2 to arrive.

The Hills Have Eyes (2006)

Dan Byrd, Emilie de Ravin, Aaron Stanford

I love horror movies.

But this movie is…disturbing. I don’t really know how else to say it.

I think I’m going to watch the Care Bear’s movie so that warm, fuzzy feeling will undo all the crap I just saw.

Rounders (1998)

Matt Damon, Edward Norton

Ah, Rounders. The movie that helped touch off the current poker craze.

We have David Levin and Brian Koppelman to thank for the 683 poker shows on TV everyday. Thanks guys!

Thanks to Rounders, I now have to endure daily hand-by-hand recaps of the previous evening’s poker game from one of my coworkers. Do I really care how you did in some local tournament with a $20 cash prize?? NO!!!

After I got past the fact that thanks in part to Rounders I endure 30 minutes of torture each day, I realized that it’s not a bad movie.

Damon is great. He reminds me of me when I tried to quit smoking for the first time. I gave it up and three days later I was smoking again. (I was able to quit for good 174 tries later) Damon is that same with poker. He can’t give it up.

Edward Norton is the guy in my office. Well, maybe my guy isn’t quite the degenerate that Norton is, but Norton always has to be in a game. And he’s a degenerate to the point that not only does he ruin his life but he manages to screw Damon over as well. What a friend!!

You also have the added bonuses of Famke Janssen (eye candy), John Malkovich’s atrocious Russian accent, and killer nicknames like “Teddy KGB” and “Worm”. All this makes a movie that finds itself on my Amazon Wish List for this Christmas.

If you hate the fact that you can’t flip the channels today without finding a televised poker game, then Rounders may not be for you.

Training Day (2001)

Denzel Washington, Ethan Hawke

Makes you wonder, doesn’t it??

Do all dirty cops require their rookie partners: Smoke PCP on the job?? Drink beer on the job?? Take the fall for a murder?? Have the exact same goatee as them??

Probably not.

I had heard nothing but god things about Training Day since its release. So it only figures that I would wait 5 years to actually see it. And naturally, I was let down.

Yes. It was a good movie. But it wasn’t fantastic. It’s just another cop movie.

My biggest problem with it is that I could see where it was going from the outset. Dirty cop tries to bring rookie into the fold. Rookie rebels at first but then slowly begins to accept the way things are done. Dirty cop then does something completely outrageous and rookie cop remembers his duty as an officer and thwarts the dirty cop’s evil plan. Typical day in the life of a rookie cop.

Boring.

Just once, I’d like to see the dirty cop get away with it. Would that be so bad?? Is it wrong that I seem to be constantly rooting for the bad guy?? Does that say something about my fragile mental state??

Not sure. But am I am sure the Training Day’s predictability did more to put me to sleep than the 3 beers I drank while watching it.

(Interesting note here to follow up on my Unbreakable post: Bruce Willis was actually offered the role of Detective Alonzo Harris. Seriously Bruce, maybe you should branch out. At the very least, change to a different civil service role.)

Unbreakable (2000)

Bruce Willis, Samuel L. Jackson

Ok. At this point, I can safely say that M. Night Shyamalan no longer surprises me. His movies all seem to follow a similar pattern. Good story that has a twist of sorts at the end. And if you pay close enough attention to the story and his little filming tricks, you can pick up on what the twist is in each of his films. And this depresses me.

Unbreakable is no different. Good story that is fairly easy to figure out if you pay attention. Samuel L. Jackson does a pretty good job and I love his afro. (I really think that a good hair style is what Mace Windu was missing. I would have had an easier time thinking of Mace as a bad ass Jedi if had an afro or a Jeri curl (like Jules in Pulp Fiction). Anyway, back to Unbreakable).

Bruce Willis does a decent job playing that same sort of Bruce Willis character. I’ve discovered that he has 2 main characters that he portrays in movies. The first is the washed up, burned out, ratty looking cop who saves the day (Die Hard, 16 Blocks, etc). The other is his character from The Sixth Sense. Quiet, almost laid back, soft spoken guy. In this movie he plays the both: he’s a soft spoken security guard (almost a cop) who saves the day. Does this mean that Bruce has reached the absolute pinnacle of his career? He’s combined the two roles he is good at into one character. Where can he go from here?? Die Hard 4??

Sadly, a quick glance into my IMDb crystal ball tells me that Die Hard 4 is on the slate for Bruce.

So until it is released and we can once again see Bruce Willis play a cop, I’ll wait for my next Shyamalan movie (Signs) to arrive and hope I haven’t figured it out before it gets here.